There isn’t much purpose to this post, but maybe I’ll find it as I go along.
Recently, my blog has been full of a steady amount of self-care/yoga/meditation tips, vegan recipes and cruelty-free products, and the like. I noticed that those posts tend to get more attention than my pointless rants. However, I realized that my rants are never pointless (I never thought they were, but just incase you thought so… you thought wrong!)
Even though I understand my followers want to see things that benefit them, I guarantee this post will benefit you all just as much as my skincare recommendations, or satisfy your soul just as much as my vegan cookie recipe.
Being twenty-years-old, I understand that although I have seen a lot, I haven’t seen it all. I understand that I know a lot and have learned a lot through the years, whether it be through education or experience, though I am also accepting that I don’t know it all, nor will I ever. I understand that everyday is a gift, and everyday should be treated as if it’s your last (whenever it rains my dad always told me that it’s better to be here in the rain than twelve feet under). I understand that I am young and I have so much ahead of me to look forward to, but I also accept that I must enjoy this moment, right here– right now.
In todays day and age, and with the older I become, I constantly take more and more notice to the never-ending rush and strive for perfection that everyone around me seems to be in. Though now that I think about it, this “rush” and “strive” has been going on for as long as I can remember. There was always a rush in middle school to do what the “older children” were doing. There was always a rush to become a teenager, have our first kiss, to get into high school, etc. And with that rush came the strive for perfection. In high school, the rush and strive was still there. We rushed to get our licenses’, to become upperclassmen, to turn legal (even though “legal” in New Jersey doesn’t even mean having the ability to buy a pack of cigarettes). Or worse, the rush to graduate. Everyone rushed the supposed “best four years of our lives” to go to college, and begin the next best four years and forever.
The rush and strive that went on during middle school and high school however was much, much different in my opinion, and much less crucial. After making mistakes and learning lessons during our younger years, we often learned to take things day by day, and not rush growing old. The rush in college is much different than it was years back. And the strive has now turned into something similar to a competition. Now, we’re rushing to get through college to get a job, get a home, and start a family, not take our first sip of alcohol, have our first kiss, or first drive through the drive through on our own. And, the worst part of it all is that we’re all rushing to do it– better than the next person.
Don’t get me wrong, I can’t lie and say I haven’t envisioned my life after college– after graduate school, or law school, or after obtaining my PhD. My life in a home in Manhattan, or Brooklyn, or back in the suburbs of New Jersey with Rory (HELLOOO, have you seen my Pinterest board full of home-inspo lately???). My life working everyday and cooking every night. My life with a little baby, or even a big puppy or two. I do think about these things. A lot. However, although it wasn’t the first time I thought about this, today was the day I thought I would say it out loud… rather, type it:
Why do we worry? What’s the rush?
Truthfully, most of the time I think I’d much rather be working a 9-5 job than annotating one of the three British Literature anthology’s I have. Most of the time I’d rather be cooking for Rory and my parents than eating in the dining hall, or ordering crappy take out. Most of the time I wish I had a bigger income, rather than my bi-weekly checks. Most of the time, I’d rather be doing anything but college. However, when I actually think about it… I love college. I love learning. And I love not knowing what’s coming next. I’m okay with living my life everyday not knowing what exactly is going to happen.
I think that’s the beauty of it all.
For example, I was never anxious until I got to college. Everything came much easier before college. School, sports, work, and fitting everything into my schedule perfectly almost seemed like it was handed to me on a silver platter. Before I knew it, I constantly found myself writing everything down: in planners, on Post-Its, on my calendar, on my phone, just to remind myself of what I have to get done, and to make sure I know I had to do it. It wasn’t until one day when I told Rory my plan for the day. I had everything sorted out perfectly, practically in time slots. However when something didn’t go the way I planned, I freaked out a bit. Rory told me to stop trying to plan everyday, because some days won’t go the way I plan. So I stopped… kind of. I knew I had to get things done, and I knew deep down I always got them done, so I thought: what’s the rush?
I am surrounded by people my age (give or take a few years) who are rushing their lives. People my age who are having children, getting married, etc. People my age who haven’t even figured themselves out fully yet, and are rushing to get other things together first. Society today promotes rushing our lives, or even trading our lives for better ones. We see celebrities living lives we can only hope to merely taste one day, and we immediately think our lives are crap. What’s the problem with our lives? What’s the problem with going with the flow? What’s the problem with imperfection.
I want to stress that there is NO problem with your life. There is NO problem with going with the flow. And, most importantly, there is NO problem with imperfection. Your version of perfect may be completely opposite to mine, and that’s okay. Living the life you want to live is all that matters, and competing to live a better life than someone else is not a life anyone should strive to live. We have the ability and the opportunity everyday to create our idea of perfection, and live it out everyday with the things we do and say. There is no reason we should rush any moment of our lives, because every moment is perfect in itself, even the bad ones.
It wasn’t until today when I shattered my entire phone screen (go figure) for the first time when it really set in that it’s okay when things don’t go as planned.
Today, I planned to go to the mall to buy possibly a new outfit or two, a new makeup bag, and maybe even a new pair of sunglasses. I left the mall within the hour with a shattered iPhone, the knowledge that the iPhone 6s has been discontinued, an empty gas tank, a brand new $65 phone case, and the knowledge that I will be spending another $60 next week to have my phone screen repaired.
I found myself disappointed in myself, wishing that I made one move differently, in an effort to protect my phone from cracking. However, rather than ruining my day, I bought my LifeProof iPhone case with a smile, thinking about how much more worse my life could be. I shattered my iPhone… big deal. It still works, it’s still here, I’m still here, and everything is a-okay.
Today I realized that there is no rush. I am grateful for everyday as it comes. And as corny as my realization sounds, today I realized that I am officially okay with everyday not always going as planned. I am okay going a day without plans. I am okay with the way things were, the way things are, and the way things are going. I am okay with everything that comes my way. I am okay not knowing where I want to go and what I want to do. I am okay not rushing. I am okay taking it slow. I am enjoying every single day as it comes. I know I will get it all done eventually, and I no longer need a Post-It note to tell me so.
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Until next time,
Om shanti, om peace