No matter where I may be, what I may have planned for the day, or what I may begin thinking about when I first wake up in the morning, every day I knowingly keep one phrase in the back of my mind– a phrase that is not only important in regards to my relationship, but also my entire life:
I choose my partner.
It took me some time to accept that you can be perfect for someone, while not sharing the same interests. It also took my partner and I time to understand and accept that some days will be better than others.
After being in a relationship for two years or twenty years, the butterflies eventually begin to fly away. But whose to say that they’ve gone away forever?
We must learn to create, cultivate, and care for these butterflies so they last. However, when all of the butterflies flutter, we soon begin to realize that true love isn’t always hearts and flowers. True love is arguments and tears too. It can be something so spontaneous and so euphoric-feeling. However, it also must be cared for constantly in order to be maintained.
Most people don’t realize that it is our responsibility to work everyday at keeping love alive. True love can conquer all, as long as both partners work together each and everyday to cultivate said love.
Sometimes it’s hard for us to understand and accept that a relationship isn’t always 50-50. At times, a relationship must be 60-40, or 70-30. We have to learn to swap our romantic ideals for the tragic truth that every human will disappoint, frustrate, and/or anger us. However, that doesn’t mean it is the end of the world.
On days when I am most stressed, my partner has no problem putting in a little more effort than normal. No matter what that may consist of, this effort is what matters the most. And in times when my partner is struggling, I am always willing to bend backwards for him.
While my brain more commonly works on intuition, my partners brain works much more on logic and reason. That is where our heads collided. Sometimes, I was too “right-brained” for him. And at times, there was no doubt that he was too “left-brained” for me. But we make it work.
Along with the difference in our brain activity, we are also two different people with two different sets of likes and dislikes. Crazy, right?
While I enjoy reading and writing, he would much rather spend his time solving problems with conclusive answers. I would much rather be able to elaborate, express, and justify my opinion than spend my time solving an equation that makes absolutely no sense in my brain.
It was these differences that caused tension between my partner and I in the past. It was hard for him to appreciate my interests, and in return, it made it even harder for my to find interest in his likes and hobbies.
In light of it all, it is our responsibility to wake up and choose our partner.
Everyday, I choose him and he chooses me. And although he prefers not to spend his time reading Jane Austen or practicing yoga, he’s learned to appreciate everything I am interested in, everything I learn, and everything I have to say. In return, I have learned to do the same.
To be honest, this most certainly did not come naturally. Because let’s face it, if I didn’t give a rats ass about my statistics class, whose to say I’d give a rats ass about my boyfriends accounting class? Well, with love comes compromise and collaboration– along with an understanding and appreciation for your partner and everything they do and love.
While it may not immediately come natural, sooner or later, it will become almost instinctual. When you love someone, loving the things they love comes as easy as 1, 2, 3.
With that, there will still be some days where you’re not feeling it, or you feel as if you are going backwards. However, no relationship is perfect, and no two people are exact replicas of each other. Love is about growth.
At this point, you’re probably wondering how we make it work. So, here’s how we say, everyday, I CHOOSE YOU:
Show Off Your Passion
If you truly love your partner, you will truthfully and honestly be able to engage in their passions. Seeing each other happy and successful should be something you and your partner strive for on a daily basis.
For me, when my partner is doing well in school and work, he is happy. The same goes for me. However, of course some things may differ.
While he might spend his Saturday painting a house or fixing a leak, I might spend mine working on my handstands.
When we reunite, he loves to show me what he accomplished that day– as do I.
While he whips his phone out full of pictures of the leaks he fixed or the trenches he dug, I prepare to show him how much stronger my handstand is becoming.
Seeing the passion we have for the things we do radiate from ourselves is positive energy, and that positive energy goes a long way in a relationship.
Supporting each other, encouraging each other, and helping each other maintain happiness and a passion for life is nothing but pure #goals.
Find a Common Ground
Finding a common ground in a relationship shouldn’t be very hard. In reality, if I’m not mistaken, a common interest should have been something to bring you and your partner together. No matter what it may be, make time to stay interested in each other.
While it’s important to still make time for yourself, along with time for your friends and family while you’re in a relationship, it’s also important to make time for the two of you.
Whether it may be going out to dinner and a movie every Friday night, or staying in to watch re-runs and eat take-out, alone time with your partner is crucial.
However, what happens when things don’t go according to plan? Believe me, it happens.
Friday night may come along and your partners best friend may be having people over…
…but you and him already had plans to go to the movies, like you do every Friday night.
Don’t let change disappoint and discourage you.
Instead, find a common ground. Plan to do dinner and a movie the following night, before your partner goes out, or better, go out to his best friends house with him.
While it isn’t healthy to be with your partner every waking moment of every single day, it most certainly is not healthy to not be able to spend time with him and his friends.
For my partner and I, we find common interest in outdoor activities, traveling, live music, eating food, or simply staying in for the weekend. Our bonding time is exactly what keeps our love strong.
When it comes to making plans or simply spending time together, make sure to find a common ground so each person is satisfied.
Your interests will mold into your best memories and experiences with your partner.
These will ultimately become the foundation that you and your partner will continue to build upon for years to come.
Make Room For Growth
You aren’t the same person you were yesterday that you are today. Accept and allow room for growth within your relationship, and you will see a world of a difference.
A healthy relationship consists of growth: daily, weekly, monthly, etc. And with growth comes change, something many people commonly fear. However change does not always come along with a negative connotation. Change is sometime for the better.
In a relationship, there is always room for inspiration, improvement, connection and compassion– and with these four things comes growth.
Whether it be individual growth or collective growth between you and your partner, acceptance of this growth is the first step to understanding it and allowing it to blossom.
No matter what this growth may consist of, in the end, the most important thing is that you and your partner are willing to grow together, in good times and in bad.
Being in love, you must be willing to listen to one another, embrace one another, show small gestures of love, and most importantly, acknowledge their importance and existence to not only you but the entire world.
Practice Mindfulness and Yoga On AND Off the Mat
This one is specifically for the yogi in the relationship.
Through the practice of yoga and meditation, I have learned to not only be more compassionate, positive, open-minded, and balanced, I have also learned to be more mindful in regards to everything I think, say, or do.
When I’m not holding my downward dog for five breaths, I constantly work at practicing yoga off the mat.
With everything I do, I choose to implement mindfulness– especially when it comes to my relationship.
In good times and bad, it is power to be aware of what you are thinking, and what you choose to say.
While sometimes, the wrong thing might come out, owning up to your mistakes is also power.
Being able to implement yogic and meditation teachings and ideals in our everyday life will not only allow us to be more mindful as individuals, it will also inspire those around us to become more mindful as well.
Happiness and confidence are contagious.